Chapter 8
That evening after work, the only emotion that Hifumi's mother could express was shock.
“You’re kidding, honey.”
“I’m not.”
“You really went and shot down your producer for his own decision? And he didn’t get angry at you?”
“Yeah, like I... said.”
Hifumi was having trouble speaking, between shoveling food down her throat and fighting back her exhaustion. Anders had made hamburgers in celebration of the day having gone well, currently busy washing off the pan and utensils while Hifumi and her mother chatted over the dinner table.
“I still can’t believe you of all people would do that. You’ve grown so much in these last few months.”
Mom’s words caused Hifumi to stop for a moment, the piece of hamburger attached to her fork still hanging in the air.
“Really? Everyone else... said the same today.”
“I’m not surprised. I mean, you used to be so meek, even with me. So having you go and talk down your own producer after a heart transplant of all things is the last thing anybody expected. Just what have you been feeding her, Hachiken?”
Anders glanced back with a proud smile, causing Hifumi to blush again. He wiped one hand to write out a response, putting the notebook on the table before returning to his chore:
- I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. It’s a good sign that she is taking her recovery seriously and wants to improve. I am also astonished that you pushed yourself this far on your first day.
“Agreed! Hifumi dear, are you thinking of going back to work tomorrow again?”
Yes...I talked with Hazuki and she agreed...to let me work a normal shift for the next few days...to see how I manage for the time being.”
“That’s wonderful!” Mom exclaimed while ruffling her hair, causing another blush to creep up on Hifumi’s cheeks, “My darling girl, grown up so much! Hachiken, you deserve a raise, whatever they’re paying you!”
Both Hifumi and Anders cringed at her comment, though luckily Mom didn’t notice it. Hifumi quickly finished up her plate and moved to hand it to Anders, who accepted it with a smile that sent her straight back to her chair. Mom suddenly yawned as she looked at her watch.
“Oh dear, it’s already so late. I need to get home, I have an early shift tomorrow.”
“Will you... work as well... instead of coming over here again?”
“What, are you growing tired of your old mother?” she said teasingly, gently pulling at her cheek. Hifumi squirmed as she tried to release herself to no avail, only to hear china touch the table. Both women glanced down to see two full teacups, the aroma bewitching for Hifumi’s mind as she inhaled it.
“Smells delicious.” Mom commented to Anders while raising the cup to her lips, “What flavor is it?”
- Rosemary tea. I tend to drink it after a long day to help relax my mind and body. I hope it brings you the same effects.
“You’re too kind, Hachiken. Well then…”
Mom took a sip of the tea, giving a pleased sound. Intrigued herself now, Hifumi moved to drink some. The first sip she swallowed was bliss in liquid form. It ran down her throat like warm honey, wrapping around her entire body and washing her of her stiffness. She wasted no time drinking the rest, giving a satisfied sigh as she finished. Mom, who had already emptied hers, stood up and ruffled Hifumi’s hair once more.
“I probably won’t be able to come by again for a while. Please remember to take care of yourself. Ask Hachiken if you need anything, alright?”
“Yes, Mom.” she said with an incredibly relaxed voice, surprising herself. Mom gave a chuckle as she moved to the living room door.
“Good night, you two. Hachiken, the tea was wonderful, thank you.”
He waved her off as she closed the door behind herself, leaving the two of them alone. Hifumi was still enamored by the taste of the tea, barely catching sight of Anders looking out into the starry sky.
“Are you... alright?”
He glanced towards her, the smile on his face hiding something for sure, and scribbled on his notebook:
- Just a bit emotional. It’s nostalgic to hear about someone’s time at work after a long day.
Hifumi eyed him carefully, before taking the notebook and writing on it:
- Is it because you’re reminded of Sayuri?
His gaze hardened slightly as he read the words, yet he didn’t lash out. Instead, he sighed and began writing with a distinct weakness in his movements.
- Yes. I used to finish earlier than her so I’d often make dinner on days where she came home late at night.
- Do you miss her?
- I do. Even though I shouldn’t.
- Why?
She knew she was stepping into dangerous territory, but her boldness today had given her newfound strength. She hadn’t prodded him about the accident since he revealed it to her. To her relief, he didn’t put up too much resistance.
- Because every time I remember her, I get reminded just what a fool I was.
- That can’t be true. You’re such a kind person, there’s no way somebody wouldn’t be happy with you.
- You’re funny. I thought so too, until the day came when I realized she looked at someone else more fondly than me.
Hifumi’s eyes widened as she caught his meaning.
- Cheating?
- No. Not at the time at least. It could have been, had I not caught it early enough. But it was my presence which doomed them all in the end.
- Why are you saying that? You said it was an accident, right?
- That’s not the whole truth. The crash itself was an accident, but my actions afterwards doomed those three to their deaths. I wasn’t strong enough to keep them alive. I carry the responsibility for that, since I was the only one able to help.
- Anders, please. If you are telling me this, then will you explain what you mean? I don’t think you could ever be held responsible. I’m sure you did your best to help them.
- You think so, after seeing this?
She read the last entry in confusion, before noticing him rolling his sleeves up. She gasped as she saw his otherwise healthy skin torn and ripped into scars of unimaginable size, twisting and turning around his arm like snakes around their prey. It was a gruesome sight and Anders’ own expression contorted, before covering himself again.
- I received these scars in my attempt to stop the car from falling down a cliff. I held on with all my strength but only succeeded in ripping nearly all the tendons in my arms. I was stuck in the hospital for months afterwards, the arms I had tried to sacrifice for the people I held dear limp at my side. But it seems like my feelings weren’t enough. I let the car roll down that cliff. I had to listen as my wife and her new love, along with my own mother, died in an explosion. Compared to the pain and horror they must have felt, what point is there to look at my wounds?
The pieces that had floated in Hifumi’s mind for the last few months had finally begun to settle, forming a half-finished picture of the situation. The moment they began to lock into place however, her heart overflowed with compassion and sympathy for him. She raised herself from her seat and walked over to where he sat, before wrapping him in a hug. He jerked back, evidently startled by the proximity, until he listened to her speak gently:
“Anders... thank you for telling me... I know you must have suffered terribly.”
He didn’t respond, only shuffling closer towards her as he relaxed his posture.
“But you don’t have to hide it all from me anymore... I’m here for you, just as you are here for me... I want to bear your burden along with you... Please, look at me.”
She pushed him away briefly, taking a deep breath and beginning to undo the buttons of her blouse. Anders moved to stop her, but she shook her head.
“No... I want to do this…”
He slowly lowered his arms, forced to watch as she gingerly undid the last button and pulled the fabric aside, revealing her red underwear and the even redder scar between, running the entire way from her collarbone down to where her stomach began.
She grabbed his hand and guided it to the scar, allowing him to trace it carefully. His eyes were lost in thought as he let his fingers rest on the rough skin, allowing her to speak up:
“Had you not showed up to help me, I would never have received this scar. I would have been dead, lying amongst those buried around me in cruel irony. Without you, I would never have made it as far as I’ve done. You covered for my transplant in the hospital, you taught me to control my anxiety around people, you took care of me while I was still unable to even walk properly. Every step of my recovery, you’ve been there to support me. It’s time I returned the favor and helped you.”
She let his hand go and buttoned up her blouse again, before kneeling and embracing him in a proper hug this time. His body trembled with what she could only believe to be fear.
“So please, don’t hide from me. I want to support you just as much. It’s alright to trust me.”
Her words gave the final blow. His body sacked as he leaned against her, wrapping her tightly while his body shook with sobs. The tears that came out of him were near endless, pouring out with uncontrollable force as they soaked her clothing. Yet she didn’t care, continuing to hold him close while he released all the emotions that had been building up in him.
They kept going for what must have been ten minutes, until he finally began to calm down. He slowly separated himself from her, his face a mess. She giggled while pulling out her handkerchief, wiping his eyes and nose so he looked halfway normal again. As she did so, he gently grasped her hand, holding it in place. She blushed as she stared deep into his eyes, reddened from tears but still piercing with their aquamarine blue. He guided her hand to his lips, before gently kissing the tip of her fingers. She turned scarlet as he continued kissing the length of her hand, not relinquishing his hold until he reached her wrist. They were close now, close enough that she could feel his breath against her skin. She trembled as her heart slowly began to increase in pace again, though this time she let it continue. She couldn’t break the moment that the two of them were having right now.
Then, he slowly released her hand and produced a smile, the first true smile that she had ever seen from him. He grasped his notebook and wrote a quick sentence, turning it towards her:
- Would you like to know a secret?
She read the words carefully, before nodding. His smile widened into a grin, taking a deep breath.
Only to shatter her world as he whispered into her ear:
“I love you, Hifumi.”
She couldn’t speak, ironically, so surprised was she. It was even more difficult when he began to chuckle, evolving into full-fledged laughter as he embraced her once more, causing her body to shake with the vibrations. She felt an urge overtake her, eventually laughing herself as she hugged him back. They remained in this awkward position, laughing their hearts out until they had to stop for a lack of breath. As they calmed down, Hifumi checked her chest for any lasting damage but found none. She looked deep into Anders’ eyes that were now clearer than ever before.
“How…” she began, only for him to interrupt her:
“... can I speak, you wonder? Simple, I never was mute in the first place. I only pushed that idea onto myself to hide from the truth.”
“The truth?”
“When I woke up in the hospital, I lost all ability to speak. Nothing I wanted to say ever came out of my throat, constricting it like a python. It caused me no end of trouble and anger from some people, who I understand now as having done it for the sake of me breaking through my shell. But I couldn’t push through. For six whole years, I secluded myself amongst my own thoughts, continuing to work and help people like I’ve always done before. And it helped distract me from the pain and misery I felt every day. But just as I couldn’t shake the mental burden, the physical burden also crippled me. To this day, I couldn’t remove myself from the house Sayuri and I had lived in. I holed myself up in a quiet bar almost every night, wasting time like a fool. I began attending first-aid courses, a result of me trying to somehow make up for my lack of training during the accident. It only brought me more pain however and thus, I lost more and more of my will to live. I honestly don’t know what I would have done had it continued.”
His distant expression then lit up a certain amount.
“But then, I came across Fairies Story. It was almost therapeutic for me, to see characters drawn with such detail and care that they felt truly alive. And it above all brought me a new light in my life. That being none other but Yagami Kou.”
The puzzle was nearly complete as she realized what the interactions between Yagami and Anders before her accident had been hinting at.
“That means…”
“Yeah, I had a crush on her. A big one as well. In all honesty, it was this which enabled me to keep going for all this time, to look towards the next day in anticipation. Until the day I first met her in the bar I always frequented.”
He gave a deep sigh, standing up and guiding her to the sofa. As she seated herself, he moved towards Sojiro’s cage and picked him up, surprising Hifumi with the lack of protest from the small hedgehog. He sat down next to Hifumi and began stroking Sojiro gently, who gave a squirm to show his appreciation.
“That month since our first encounter went by so fast. We met again by chance, before agreeing on the partnership and doing our best to try and bring it to fruition. We would meet up in the evenings in the same bar, her beginning to open to me bit by bit while I tried to do the same. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t break the chains that bound my voice and heart. When the disaster with the cyber-attack occurred, I thought I had finally bitten off more than I can chew. You know, I had actually planned the attack myself.”
“What?” she nearly yelled, shocked by the sheer idea.
“Just another one of my many crazy plans. I wanted an excuse to quit my job so I could join Eagle Jump and work with the person I adored. But it was close to never happening. I ended up protecting her from a group of people set on harming her directly. They tried to plant the evidence I created against her.”
Hifumi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What he said sounded unfeasible, yet it was said with such sincerity that she couldn’t doubt it.
“So you handed yourself in... for her sake?”
“The things people do for those they cherish. When I miraculously escaped judgement, I was of course relieved. But I knew my reputation had been permanently tarnished by my actions, and thus my hopes were faint of ever harboring a career like before. Then I received the invitation to join Eagle Jump, all thanks to Yagami. That back then made me happier than ever before.”
A smile adorned his features which encompassed several emotions. She could feel both gratitude and happiness, but also regret and irritation within it.
“I thought then that I could finally begin to open myself to her, to reveal my true feelings. That week I spent with you all was true bliss, me being able to enjoy myself without restraint. Until the next Monday came and I again felt the shackles of Sayuri bind me with panic.”
“Then... those breathing exercises you taught me…?”
“I had learnt to carry them out myself to deal with the backlash of my trauma over the crash, which had occurred on a Monday and hence gave me nightmares that I normally could handle . But no amount of preparation could have helped me against the sensation I felt that day nearly three months ago. It felt like it would consume me, swallow what I just gained and turn it into something twisted. So I ran, hoping that nobody would be able to find me until I finished saying my farewells.”
“You mean... in the graveyard.”
His grip on Sojiro tightened somewhat, making the little hedgehog squeak and form his signature ball, Anders’ expression showcasing regret.
“Yeah. Sayuri and the others are buried there, together. I used to go visit them every Monday, using the silence to calm my nerves. I sat there that week, writing my farewells when Yagami came out of nowhere, demanding I tell her what I was doing. I thought she wanted to know why I resigned. But instead she gave me a final chance to confess, to explain the truth behind my actions. And I blew it.”
As he said those words, it was as if a weight lifted off his shoulders, his speech coming across slightly lighter now:
“I couldn’t do anything. I could only stand and stare in shame as she said her final farewell and left, never looking back at me. I knew then and there that the crush I had secretly harbored all this time was nothing more than a fancy, a fleeting hope that my life could be normal again. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, before I slowly made my way back to the car. Only to find you on the ground.”
He extended a hand and grasped hers gently, her squeezing it in return while fighting her body’s demand for sleep.
“When I saw you, I thought my world was going to crash all over again. I called the ambulance and did everything I could to keep you alive. I only recently remembered it, but it was already back then that you broke the chain of my voice.”
Hifumi slowly began to recall the voice she had heard before losing consciousness. She thought she had imagined it, but now she knew better.
“You called out my name back then. I could hear it.”
“Yes. I buried it in the back of my mind though as I fought to get you stable again. My voice remained with me up until the ambulance arrived at the hospital, at which point I had already sunk back into myself. When they mentioned how you were to be put on life support, I was beside myself with anger. I cursed myself for having pushed you so hard that you ended up in this situation, all because I was a coward who couldn’t face his own demons. Then when the news of a possible donor came by me, I begged them to undertake it, all so that you one day could return to having a normal life. It was the least you deserved, after having been so kind to me and pushing yourself so far for my sake. I spent most of my savings on paying the transplant, but I didn’t care. I knew I had to save at least one person from this mess I caused. And that person... was you Hifumi.”
Sojiro, having slowly uncurled at this point, raised his head to peek at the two blushing humans before him, before shaking his head and rolling down towards the ground. Neither of the two noticed his movements as he slowly made his way to his cage, having learned long ago how to climb back in. He felt nothing but exasperation for the awkward couple behind him and decided he was better off sleeping.
Hifumi, meanwhile, couldn’t see anything through her blush. Her body acting faster than her mind could react, she took hold of his arm and leaned herself against him, performing a quick routine to control her breathing. As she did so, she felt Anders chuckle once more, glancing up to see tears in his eyes again.
“Anders? What’s wrong?”
“Sorry. It’s just... when I heard you were going to recover, I was overjoyed. I wanted to help you get better through any means, even if I had to sacrifice everything I had left. Not only the chance at a stable future, I even sent a warning to my family to not contact me, all to avoid having to face them after the stupid stunt I pulled. It was idiotic, I know. I removed myself from everything in life but you, dedicating all my energy on making sure you could return to a normal life. And the longer I spent time with you, the more and more I began to recognize the feelings you held for me. That first night I held your hand, I didn’t go home. I fell asleep on the floor next to you.”
“W-what?” she stuttered, feeling horribly guilty now for having left him like that. Yet he only shook his head.
“Relax. I just couldn’t forget the warmth of your hand and didn’t want to lose it. It comforted me, during a time where I had next to nothing to concern myself with except your recovery. Then during our first day of training, I unwittingly opened to you about the accident. I didn’t realize it until I already sent the message, but by that time I was already trying to walk away from you, scared what you might say to me. But that only culminated in you collapsing again, all because I got agitated and made you strain yourself more than you should have. I again felt so horribly guilty when I took you home, believing myself to be hopeless until you spoke to me.”
He wiped the last of his tears away, his gaze upon her now back to the clear one from before.
“Those words you whispered to me comforted me more than anything else since the accident. You heard my secret and didn’t demand more answers, but merely thanked me and expressed how you cared for me. They didn’t just soothe my heart, they made me fall completely for you. And tonight, I made my choice."
His blush deepened, Hifumi finding it astounding how her own face could get any hotter. They remained like this for some time, before a buzz echoed in the room, revealed to be Anders’ phone. He opened his phone to a text message, giving a sigh.
“W-who is it from?”
“Yagami. She wants to sit down and talk with me. Tomorrow.”
Unrest dug its way into Hifumi’s chest as she contemplated the sudden move.
“D-do you think she’s…?”
“Trying to ask me out? Doesn’t know that I’m still in town? Fat chance. She likely just didn’t get everything off her chest and wants to tell me how she finally asked Rin out. I was shocked when I heard how long that had been going on between them. But I’m ignoring her for tonight.”
“W-why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he said with a smile, “I need to give you your tablets for the night and help you to bed. It’s another work day tomorrow after all for you and I still need to go home.”
He moved to stand up, only to be dragged back down by Hifumi. As he turned to her in surprise, Hifumi steeled herself and said the words that had hung on her heart for the last few months:
“If... if you want... you can stay the night... I don’t mind…”
Great, you’ve said it. Good going, Takimoto Hifumi.
As she berated herself for her frankness, she heard Anders laugh quietly.
“Well then, I suppose I can’t deny a request from you. I am after all hired to cater to your every need.”
“This... isn’t part of it.”
“I know, I was just teasing.” he said while kissing her hand again, “Come on, you still need to shower and get ready for bed. I don’t have a change of clothes with me, so you must live with me in my boxers. Do you think you can handle that?”
He had asked the question half-seriously, aware that she still needed to be careful with her heart. Yet strangely enough, Hifumi’s heartbeat was calm as she answered:
“Yes. I think I can.”
Giving an intrigued look, Anders smiled once more and gently pulled her upright, having completely forgotten that Sojiro had already entered his cage and closed the door behind himself.
“In that case, shall we?”
He pulled her along gently towards the bathroom, opening the door when she pulled him in from behind.
“Anders?” she mumbled into his shirt.
“Yeah, Hifumi?”
“I love you too.”
It was hard to tell whose blush was stronger, hers or his.
