Letzter Tag

Letzter Tag (lyrics by Bela B.)
 

*Du hast gewusst, eines Tages musst du gehen

So geht’s uns allen mal, was gibt’s daran falsch zu verstehn?

Der Tod ist nichts, worauf man sich konzentriert

Wir denken nie daran, bis es passiert*
 

You’re even paler than last time I checked on you. You’re lying in bed, eyes closed, black lashes in heavy contrast to your skin. I take the chair next to your bed, sitting there for just this one purpose- other than eating- to be right next to you. You do not know that we have put it there, just for you and if you knew I bet you’d tell us not to mind you, to just get on with ourselves. Sitting here every day just to be with you would count as wasting resources in your opinion. You know what? I couldn’t care less.
 

Nobody saw it coming and if you noticed something you did not tell us. It could have happened every day. We could have died any time. All of us knew that. It didn’t stop us trying to build a new life after all. Flowers. Hn. Who would have thought…?
 

We knew that _something_ was wrong when you came home from your doctor half a year ago. You went to get more painkillers for the massive headaches you used to get from time to time. They’re about as bad as mine when I played too much. You were so damn quiet and uptight that even Ken noticed it.
 

And you wouldn’t let me in.
 

I’m still mad at you for that.
 

You told us about three months ago after you weren’t able to hide your attacks any more. The youngsters almost started to cry. You’re like a fucking father to them, damn you!

It’s not like you to be this helpless.
 

Now, we take our turns to sit with you. You seldom realize it but that’s okay. We do not want you to be alone any moment. We want to be there for you, just like you’ve been there for us in the years which have passed.

Ran’s doing a small bouquet downstairs. Carnations. You’ve become rather attached to them, lately.
 

Gods, this thought hurts…
 

I study your face in the semi-darkness of the room. You’ve grown older and not just because of your illness. You are the oldest of our group and I’ve known you since I was sixteen. Age only improved your handsomeness over the last almost 20 years, I notice with a smirk.

But it doesn’t help me in this current situation.
 

*Ich bin hilflos

Weiß nicht, wie’s weitergehen soll

Was mache ich bloß

Fühl mich so hilflos*
 

I take your hand into mine and lower my head. I’m still able to control the tears but I know they’ll come. And for one moment I’m glad you’re asleep. I do not wish you to see my weakness. I’ve failed you thousands of times already when I’ve been selfish and stubborn and did not listen to you. I’ve caused you enough trouble. For the past years- since we moved into this house-, however, I have tried to be a good boy. I didn’t always succeed, I know (like the time I got thrashed with Youji and we screwed in your car), and I still caused you headaches. But I brought the aspirin and the glass of water to your bedside table, too.
 

I don’t know what to do. Or to be more precise, to do _without_ you. Just sitting here and holding your hand seems so trivial. Advanced state, the doctor said. We can’t do a thing. Did you see that coming? But it probably wouldn’t have changed anything anyway.
 

I’m terrified of losing my best friend.
 

*Ich weiß nicht, was du willst

Weiß nicht, wie du dich fühlst*
 

You’ve never really told us to go away, I realise now. Even when you were still able to do so. You let us sit beside you, bring you drinks and snacks you could stomach. I’m not sure if you know that we are guarding your sleep, too, not just your few waking hours. If you’ve wondered how we always know just when you’d wake, so that someone would be right beside you, you’ve never said a word about it.

Maybe you’ve seen what we’d do. Maybe you’ve seen you wouldn’t be able to stop us.
 

You’ve always been for yourself, never let anyone get close. Well, almost. You’ve made your way without taking our youngsters into account… I feel my lips curl into a small smile at those thoughts.

Them, making you coffee in the mornings, tea for after work, sandwiches for in between… They did that for the whole team- `team´ feels weird after so many years out of the Business- but it was _you_ they looked at for praise. They got me or Youji for a neck massage to help your migraines. They got Ran if you needed someone you could yell at, who would just listen with stoic silence and then yell back and blow your head. You _are_ a little masochist, aren’t you? You actually enjoyed these fights!
 

Well, it’s not only them who are looking up to you.

You and me, we have worked together and watched each others backs for what feels like forever.

You’ve been our leader who guided us through our ups and downs before. You’re our leader, now, still. You’re the one the other two look up to, not only for guidance but out of respect. You’re the one who made the word ‘family’ not only a term in our shared languages, but something to experience ourselves. For _all_ of us.

I love you and respect you for the way you kept me sane. I admire the way you believed in all of us and helped to make this new life into a dream come true.

At least, until now…
 

You’ve believed- or seen- in our pet-psycho and got him stabilized so that he’s our ikebana-champion now. You listened to Ken ranting on for hours over the years about soccer without falling asleep in the middle of it. I believe you think that trivial but, hey, you hold the shop record! Have you ever gotten bored of his babbling? I think not, I realize with a sad smile. You just endured it, like you endured knifes in flower arrangements or hyper teens or being bossed around by someone much younger than you or my big mouth or attending school proms and various graduation festivities.
 

Or the bigger things, like Ken’s and Nagi’s engagement.

Or my little _dance_ with Youji (which lasted `only´ for about 2 years…) because we were so damn scared by our own feelings that we didn’t trust it to last, didn’t trust anyone to get so close. I just hope that if you have seen anything going wrong along the way you would have told us these five years ago when we agreed to this, tucking aside our insecurities about this whole love-concept.
 

Or your illness.
 

That’s the greatest difficulty I’ve ever seen you endure.
 

*Weiß nicht, ob ichs ertrag

Und selbst jetzt bist du stark

AN DEINEM LETZTEN TAG*
 

You open your eyes suddenly and I jerk out of my trance.

And you look at me with those warm kind and understanding eyes of yours and it’s just too much.

That’s too much for me right now, after my contemplations and tears come splashing down my cheeks. Jesus, I never knew I could be such a softie… And of all things certainly _not_ in front of _you_! But now I don’t give a damn. You’ve seen me do this before; right here.

Not that I ever liked it, mind. I’ve always hated crying in your presence.

Have I ever told you, by the way, that I hate my mood swings?! You bring out the worst in me and I hiccup through a strangled laugh at this thought. Quick one to notice, aren’t I?
 

I lower my head again and the hand I’m holding is wriggling out of my grasp and you lift it to touch my wet cheeks. I lean into the touch. I need to feel you, to know you’re still here, to not go insane by untimely loss.
 

The door behind me opens and Youji peeks in. He’s alerted by my sudden shift in thoughts or to be more precise, by the sudden drop. Our bond is that strong now that he is able to detect things like that, too.

I don’t turn around but he’s coming nonetheless. I feel strong arms around my shoulders which are shaking now. I’m on my limits and they all know it.
 

You let your eyes slip closed again; you’re still tired. Last night has not been one of your good nights. But your hand is still holding my cheek and I allow your thumb to caress it with light stroking movements.

You have never been this tender before.

Our not-yet-married couple pokes their heads in and seeing you awake they’re quick in getting the rest of our team. Well, family would be the correct description now, wouldn’t it?
 

Nagi is composed as he enters the room again, Ken following suit. He doesn’t want you to see him weak, but I know he cries his heart out on Ken’s shoulder at night. For him, it feels like losing his father. You’re the only one who’s ever gotten close to take that title.

Omi sometimes sits with them. He and Nagi have gotten really close with being the same age and school and college and the job and all. Only, he buries his own pain and won’t allow himself to come to terms with it even if he’s soothing Nagi at the same time. I’ve spoken to him about it, but he won’t listen; just insisting that he can handle himself. Yeah, right. It reminds me of myself a bit though, so I let it rest. For now. It’s going to be very nasty with and for him once you-…

_Oh God_…

I did _not_ just think that! I bite down on my lower lip to prevent myself from crying again but my body tenses up. Youji notices it and places a small kiss on my hair, just above my right ear. Then he gets another chair, puts it right next to mine and cradles me into his arms. I sigh, content with the touch and his comforting warmth, focusing on my breathing to calm down.

As Ken and Nagi move around to get their own chairs I take your hand again.
 

Ken prepares himself for a great loss, I know, on his own but mostly on Nagi’s behalf. He’s grown to respect you for all you’ve done after the fall of the Tower those 13 years ago and the fall of Kritiker few years later. And even more after we were all moving in together. He’s still a bit wary though. He tries to hide it from the rest of the group- including Nagi- but he cannot fool me and he knows that. But he’s also aware of Nagi’s commitment to you so he’ll put all his doubts and questioning thoughts away and be at least a comrade if not a friend to you. You admire him for that and I’ll share that with him sometime.
 

Now the others enter and you open your eyes again, looking slightly more alert than a few minutes ago. They’re all getting chairs, gathering around your bed. It’s dinner time. At first, this ritual made you highly uncomfortable but now you’re enjoying it very much.

Ran has brought the little carnation-arrangement he finished minutes before and he sets it on your nightstand. You reach out for your glasses, which are lying right next to the flowers on the little table, and I can see them move towards your searching fingers, nudged by Nagi’s powers ever so slightly so you won’t notice the help. You put them on and turn your head and your eyes must be lightening up for the look on Ran’s face. His usual stony mask is soft and the mouth twitches slightly into a smile.

I’m not really sure how he’s getting along with all this coming up and I don’t dare look into his head, but I know he will seek help if he needs it. Big improvement for him, that is. Only cost me about two and a half years to achieve with the help of his team-mates... But the thought is not an angry one; it’s more mocking than anything else.
 

I hear dishes clattering and I turn around to see Omi entering with a huge tray in his hands. Ran moves to help him and Omi smiles thankfully.

Behind Omi, Farf creeps in like a wild cat, eye wide and on silent footing. He steals himself along the wall to retreat into a corner opposite of your bed. He’s furious but not with any of us. More with the situation itself. He knows what’s happening, he can see it with his blazing golden eye. But- like the rest of us- he can’t do a thing about it and he cannot accept that. All of us have to watch out for him so that he doesn’t go back to killing random people. He does _not_ approve. We do it anyway.
 

He _decidedly_ does not want you to go. Well, neither do we, but I think it’s a tiny bit harder for him than for the rest of us because of his mind running in circles no-one understands, not even me, entirely. He’s dealing with issues differently from the way we do.

And he’s fond of you, too, just like the rest of us. You know that, don’t you?
 

I did not project this last thought but you look at me anyway. I shiver. Youji rest his chin on my shoulder in comfort and I’m grateful.

‘So dependent’, I mock myself.

Everyone is settling in the room and it’s getting quiet, peaceful.

Omi’s brought you soup and black tea with milk, just the way you like it. You picked up the tea-habit in our years in the UK. It was just the two of us back then. It was both a very long time ago and at the same time seems just like yesterday. Damn clichés anyway…

For the rest of us, Omi and Youji had made rice balls. Something to nibble on while sitting with you. Ken and Ran help you to a sitting position so that you can enjoy your soup. It is something light that you should be able to digest without problems. You’re not up to talking this evening and I’m relaying this to the others while I chew on my food. You’re almost not up to holding your spoon today, too, but you cover that with uttermost grace. Even though you’re very pale and obviously not in your best form you’re still in the mood for staying upright and listening to our chattering. We made it a daily routine to eat dinner with you and tell you about our day. Sometimes you fall asleep during our conversation but we stay anyway. We need this. Probably even more than you do. I know that none of us would trade his chair for something `lighter´. We take care of our family, during best and worst.

That’s something we’ve learned from Weiß.
 

It hurts like a bitch. And being me I gather all the pain and miserable feelings of our group. These last months have been wearing down my shields.
 

*Ich denk, was haben wir zusammen verpasst?

Ich wünsche mir so sehr, dass du noch etwas mehr Zeit hast*
 

You’re asleep again. Several hours have passed since dinner and the rice balls are all gone. It’s Sunday tomorrow so the shop stays closed. We don’t have to turn in early. Nagi and Ken have gone to bed nonetheless. They shared night-watch last night so they need sleep. Now only Youji and myself and Omi and Ran are left with you. And Farfarello. He refused to go to bed even though he hardly could keep his eyes open. Now he’s curled up in the corner he was sitting in all evening. Youji and I will carry him to his bed later on.

It is dark outside and the little lamp on your nightstand throws an almost comforting glow about the room. We’ve grown quiet like our surroundings, watching you turn in sleep, listening to your breathing.

You don’t look so pale in the dim orange light but it cannot hide how skinny you’ve become. Once tall, handsome and lean you’re now bony and seem to have dwarfed. You are still handsome, though. You’re hair is not as shiny as it used to be and it’s got grey streaks in it. But the latter only added to your looks in my opinion. I try to imagine what you would look like all white but I fail and it only adds to my misery about you never going to be old enough for it.

As usual Youji notices the mood swing and he scoots closer still and plants a kiss on my forehead. I sigh and stifle a sob. Tears will have to wait until I’m alone with him again. But I allow myself to grab at his hand and hold it tight. He gently squeezes back and I nestle my head under his chin as I’m leaning almost completely against him anyway.
 

Omi gives a soft sigh watching us and turns mourning eyes on you. You know that he had a crush on you since we moved in with Weiß, right? You could have _not_ missed it. You didn’t exactly turn him down but you didn’t encourage him either. Did you know about _this_, I wonder? It certainly looks like you did, considering the way you made sure Omi would turn to Ran instead. There is no love between them now- not yet- but there probably will be. It’s a very close friendship, yet if I interpreted your little remarks to me over these last months about those two correctly… Since Ken became involved with Nagi Omi went to Ran if he needed advice or a friendly word or just somebody to be with if he felt lonely. Ran had gotten less tense since Business had ended. He had opened up a little, letting us in, in what was the little universe called Fujimiya Ran. He was smiling more easily these days and if he heard a really good joke he could also laugh out loud. He still has his icy mask and his glares especially for the fangirls in the shop. But they no longer hold the bitter edge anymore which went always with them before.
 

He adores the kid. Omi I mean. Even when he had to follow his orders, as Omi took over the leadership of Weiß, he was never able to evade his charm. How I know this? Well, he told me so, duh. Okay, he was drunk at that time; he went out clubbing with Youji, Ken and me. We didn’t know each other too well at that time; we were just getting over our mutual dislikes for Ken’s and Nagi’s sake. To be honest, I’d already fallen for Youji right then but I would never have told anyone at this point. Ran had a couple drinks too much and since I didn’t feel like dancing with neither Ken nor Youji I was left to be his chaperone. On alcohol he gets really talkative, did you know that? It was a fun night and even though he could not look me in the eye for about two weeks after that we got on real good since then. I can read minds but that does not mean I can’t keep secrets.
 

What helped Ran come out of his shell the most was that Aya is awake, now, and has been since the Tower fell. All of his longing and praying for his sister had finally come to an end. He told me once that he felt like he was on crack or something for almost a month after the incident. It’s too bad I didn’t get so see that…

Aya’s away now, though. She got into this training-school for guide dogs she wanted to go to so badly. So she went to Europe, with Birman as her guardian. They got along very well over there and Birman found a job as an emergency room nurse and she’s really happy. Seems a bit like a way of making up for her former job to me. But hey, who am I to complain as she keeps Aya away from me. Still can’t stand the chick, but don’t tell Ran, okay?

Birman always wanted to go abroad so after Kritiker disbanded she convinced Ran to let his sister go with her. As it was, Ran didn’t really have anything to say in the matter as Aya had him wrapped around her little finger as always. Aya had not been too comfortable living with her brother, as it is. Well, not actually with _him_ did she have a problem but with the three single males who came with the whole package. She got on with them well enough but they didn’t quite ‘click’, I guess. Added, Ran had a really tight leash on his sister, when it came to her social life. Aya understood, with all the nastiness Ran had to go through to get her back he didn’t want to lose her again. But that did not keep her from longing to have what was usually called a ‘normal life’. When Birman came to the Koneko’s doorstep to approach the matter of that foreign school, Aya played all her cards- and won.

Ran has visited her twice since then and Aya has been here every year for summer break and on Christmas. Now she finally has got her degree (she needed some time to finish school first, with her physical therapy still going on overseas- she didn’t get to go to school here, because of her weakened body, so Ran told me) and has two dogs of her own. She’s moved into her own apartment. She’s starting a new- her own- life, even though Birman still lives next door. _I_ know that she doesn’t want to come back to Japan even if she misses her brother terribly. But I’m not sure if this message has really gotten through to Ran yet. But- thank god- it’s not my job to tell him. As I said, I can keep secrets… And I _truly_ believe that her choice to stay in Europe has something to do with a certain someone called Josh… I hear her mentioning that name quite frequently in her thoughts these last months. Heh. I will definitely _not_ be the one who passes _this_ on to Ran!

It has been some time since we’ve seen her last and I’m not sure when she’ll visit next. She’s not that familiar with us, especially you, so she stays away not to intrude. I have to give her credits for that.

Ran has taken to talk to Omi about all things concerning Aya. He’s quite open about it, actually, surprising himself and Omi (and _myself_, heh) with it. It has never been easy for him to take any kind of advice…
 

They’ll do well, won’t they? I bet you saw them, for if not, you hadn’t made them turn to each other, surely.
 

But what if… What if you hadn’t gotten sick? Would _you_ have turned to Omi yourself? You would have made a very cute couple! I almost smirk in response to that thought. Youji shifts a little on his chair to gather me more comfortably into his embrace. He’s very cuddly and this time I _do_ smirk.
 

Would you have liked to be a grandfather? (Where the hell did _that_ question come from you would have asked me would you have been awake and had I uttered it out loud.) Anyway, I think Ken and Nagi will want to have kids someday. And the rest of us are too young to go as grandfathers, only as uncles maybe. But the other job would have been yours.
 

Oh, it HURTS so damn MUCH, Brad!!! How can you _dare_ leave us alone right here?! How are we supposed to function without you?

It feels like losing a father, a brother, a mentor and a soul mate all in one and it’s FUCKING tearing me APART!
 

*Ich weiß, es war nicht immer ganz so leicht mit mir

Ich will stark sein – bleib bis zum Schluss bei dir*
 

Youji turns me around to face him fully and then takes me onto his lap without any resistance by me. One hand of his is on my lower back, the other on the back of my head to hold me close to him, to hide the tears I can’t hold back any longer. He knows I don’t like being seen crying so he provides cover. All I have to do now is to cry soundlessly to not blow it.

The others are used to my varying tempers by now, especially around you, so they don’t question our altered position. They talk in low tones even though they know you won’t wake up in the next few hours. Your rest is peaceful right now and your body takes advantage of it, trying to restore your health even though it’s fighting a losing battle.

You have not given up yet and I bet you never will. Rather, you will let got. I’m impressed by your defiance to give in to your illness. I’m not sure I would be able to do that in your place.
 

And for that and for all those things you did for me- whether I knew you were doing them or not- I will stand by your side until the last page is turned.
 

*Ich will stark sein

So stark wie du…*
 

How can you be so damn brave? As I watch you lying there every day, losing strength, losing the power you used to have over others, I can only marvel at your way to cope with that. I would go insane if I were at your place. You still have your psychic powers but you can’t control them as easily as you used to. If I were to lose mine, I’d be lost.

I want to be there for you. You’ve held me through my storms, now I will hold you.
 

I’m tired, I had a long day at the shop and Youji is yawning constantly, too. We offer Omi and Ran a good night and pick up Farf to bring him to his own bed. He wakes as we undress him but is too tired to complain.

Then we head for our own bedroom.
 

*Ich weiß nicht, was du willst

Weiß nicht, wie du dich fühlst

Weiß nicht, ob ichs ertrag

Und selbst jetzt bist du stark

AN DEINEM LETZTEN TAG*
 

How is Youji coping with this? We cry together, that’s about it. He likes you well enough and he mourns for losing a friend.

But _I_ am his major concern. He sees me struggling every day not to fall apart. He’s strong for me when I need it but he cries with me, too. After days like today, though, he’ll be there. He’ll take a shower with me and wash my hair, for I love the way he massages my head while doing it. And my hair’s grown a lot; it almost reaches my waist now. Youji likes it that way.

Then we’ll go to bed and he’ll hold me and will let my cry. And he will stroke my back and soothe me and kiss my head and endure my babbling.
 

It’s the only way to ensure that I won’t run amok to get the anger and helplessness out of my system.
 

I had never imagined that I would be able to cry this much.

Me, who once craved the pain of others.
 

There are some days that I cannot hold myself back. When they arrive I yell and scream, mostly at Youji, for he is always there. I complain and accuse and swear and put blame on everyone in my reach. Youji either just lives through it or he breaks. It’s not pretty. I almost couldn’t handle it the first time it happened. I thought Youji had taken it personally but he was crying for me! It hurt him to see _me_ hurting! He had been sitting on our bed, face down but when he looked up… His beautiful eyes were filled with tears, looking devastatingly desperate. The only thing- and obviously the _right_ thing- to do, was to sweep him into my arms and crush him to my chest.

Let’s just say that we have found ways to survive if we hold on to each other.
 

Our whole group has grown up. You would be so proud! Maybe you are, already. We’re all in our late twenties or early thirties now and seem to have found our place in the order of the universe. Is it because of this that you can be so calm and reassuring even though you’re dying beneath our hands? I would have preferred if you had found other ways for us to do so…
 

You’re smiling a lot more these days. And they are genuine smiles, too. What brings them up? Care to tell me? But you won’t, am I right? You’ve never told me much about yourself when we were younger and you haven’t changed that one bit. Sometimes, I wonder why. Because otherwise you’ve let yourself change. You’ve let yourself relax and enjoy our new beginning these many years ago. You still planned you’re every move but you included the rest of our group, too. You’ve taken into account that Weiß worked differently, inside and outside. If I didn’t know you better I’d say you’ve let yourself be happy…
 

*Noch kann ich dich spürn

Doch ich werd dich verliern

Weiß nicht, ob ichs ertrag*
 

It’s a hair-washing evening tonight. Youji recognizes it the moment we step into our bedroom. We leave the light turned off and I wander over to the window, gazing onto the poorly lit street. It’s a movement out of our old smoking habit, which we gave up about three years ago. My lover takes a seat on our bed in the middle of our room and watches me. He doesn’t move, he knows I’ll come over to him eventually. I do that after long moments at the window and he starts to undress me slowly. There is nothing seductive about his movements or his gentle touches, only warm consideration. I let my mind wander where it wants to, slightly grazing the minds of our sleeping part of the family. Ran and Omi are still awake; they share this night’s watch. They’re talking quietly, sharing the day’s events and discussing new ideas for the flower shop. In the back of their minds I register shy, straying thoughts about their opposites. It almost makes me laugh but it comes out more like a sob.

Youji’s undressed now, too, and he gently pushes me in the direction of the bathroom. He’s even softer on me than usual. It’s as if he knows that I feel your mind against mine is getting weaker. I haven’t told anyone yet; I just couldn’t bring myself up to do it.
 

Almost since I can remember your mind has been a constant part against mine. Even though I can only read you when you let me I’ve always felt your shields. We have formed a strong bond between us which has made working in our group much easier. I have similar bonds with Nagi and Farfarello, and an even stronger one just for Youji, but yours is special to me. Why? I don’t care to explain right now.

As it is, it’s fading. A tiny bit, day by day. I know I should start letting you go. But I cannot make myself do that.

I choke down a sob and lean against my lover as he soaps my hair. Your death is squishing me savagely, leaving me in danger of breaking. We both know that. I bet you know it, too. But I’m just too stubborn a person to change anything.

Sitting by your bed, holding your hand, watching you die… It is killing me. It is eating away at my aching heart, tearing at my battered soul. I feel as if I was already torn in half even though I know you’re still next door.

Do you need me, too? Do you let me sit beside you because of that?
 

Panicked green eyes jump up to Youji’s calm own emerald ones and he slowly bends forward to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. He does this a lot these days. I kind of got used to it and came to like it, much to his surprise. It helps me calm down too, at least for a little while.

I know I’ll leave marks as I claw into his shoulders but he doesn’t seem to care. He finishes lathering me in soap and starts on himself. I watch him, still hanging onto him. Then he turns on the water again and rinses us off. As he works on my hair I let go of my self restraint and let the tears flow. I hear him wondering in his thoughts if I’m crying or if it’s just the water from the shower. I don’t feel like answering and he doesn’t expect me to. He’s going to notice anyway once he towels me dry.
 

Some time later we lie in bed, my head buried in my love’s shoulder, and my tears still haven’t stopped. I feel terribly silly and embarrassed for being so damn weak and it takes all that is left of my self-control that I don’t let down my shields more than I have to because of my tiredness. I don’t want to swamp Youji with everything that is going on in that horrendous mind of mine.
 

How did I ever let you become so fucking special?! I should have never let you become so important to me. It’s cutting too deep; it’s hurting way too much for _me_ to endure.
 

I know neither Youji nor me will be able to sleep as long as I’m so worked up. But neither of us cares, too, because we don’t have to get up at all tomorrow if we don’t want to and secondly Youji would do about anything to help me through this. Strangely enough, I’d do the same for him. I even manage a small smirk at that.

Youji is drowsy and is almost working on auto-robot as he strokes my back with feather-like light, caressing fingertips.
 

Suddenly, I hear you wake.

Before my mind registers what I’m doing I’m on my feet and out the door. Youji takes a second longer than I do, but he’s right behind me as I reach your door. I don’t mind knocking so I’m faced with two startled expressions from Ran and Omi. They had not noticed your waking because they sit with their backs to you. They turn to you with terrified faces but relax as soon as they see you calmly regarding your surroundings. My lover is not sure if I want him next to me right now, so he walks over to stand beside Omi’s chair. All our eyes are on you.

Your eyes lock on to mine and I come to a dead halt. I’m not sure what to make of what I see in your honey.

Then you turn your hand, which lies on top of your blanket, palm up; extended to myself alone.
 

And you smile…
 

The last thing I remember is falling on my knees next to your bed, grabbing your hand and squeezing it like a lifeline.
 

*Und du bist so unendlich stark

AN DEINEM LETZTEN TAG*
 

**************************

Note: My Schuldig has green eyes, so there! ;-) The most influential ones of the WK-fics I’ve read had a green-eyed Schu, so I got stuck with his image like that. ^_^
 

I also know that Schu calls everyone by their first names. I gathered, that after so many years of living with them, he is so familiar with them that he has taken to that habit.

After all, he‘s familiar with their minds since long before moving in with them, too.
 

Hope you enjoyed my little story.^^