It was just another endless fight between me and him. I should be used to his bad temper after 5 years marriage. Well, there was a time, when we were really happy together. There was, but I’m afraid there will never be again. Since he’s got his new job as manager of a marketing company he forces me to give up my dream. Yes, I am just a small dancer with my own little practice room. I’ve always dreamed of my own studio, teaching my moves and yeah, being the choreograph of the stars.
Kim Myungdae, my husband... Why the hell did I marry him? Yes, in the beginning he supported my dream and he has the financial resources. But right after our marriage he changed and cheated on me. We quarrel almost each time we see each other. And I am still his wife, because I can’t afford my life and my little practice room without him…and because he threatened to do everything to bring misfortunate on me.
He didn’t want me to go and forced me, like after each fight, to have sex with him. And I obeyed..at least he’s a good looking man, but my passion for him already died long ago. He fell asleep.
So once again I’m running away from him. I put on my leather jacket, my helmet, my gloves, my boots and sit down on my bike, flap it’s stand with my left leg to the back and start the engine. The bike’s vibration’s running through my body. Automatically I pulled the clutch with my left hand and klicked the gears down to the 1st with my left leg. I let the clutch out while I slowly accelerated with my right hand. The streets are empty, as usually at 3am. And I am driving faster than allowed, like after each fight with him. He’s making me angry always. I arrive the highway, where I speed my machine up even more. Driving and dancing are the only two things to calm me down and let me forget about him.
Outside the town is a forest and I love to sit on its clearing and watching the stars. I drove by bike as far as I could and walked the last few meters. Then I heard someone humming. I recognized this voice, walked faster and when I reached the clearing I saw her lying in a sleeveless top on her leather jacket, wearing blue jeans and motorcycle boots, just like me.
“Hello, Jung Ah.” I greeted her. She sat up and said with a smile on her face:
“Hello Kahi… so we meet again here.”
I sat down right next to her and took off my jacket. We already met a few times here, always without an agreement, we didn’t even exchange phone numbers. Somehow I think it’s destiny to meet her.
I still remember our first meeting here. It was a night like this, already about 6 months ago. And I sat here, crying and desperated. Jung Ah cheered me up with her warm and understanding type.
We talked about everything and I know I can trust her. She’s a secretary, working for a small company and wants to become a singer. She even taught me singing a bit. At the beginning I was too shy to sing in front of her, or anybody else. But she thinks I’m talented and I really am improving.
I told her about the fight with Myungdae and, like always, she advices me to leave him, but she understands why I can’t… Jung Ah embraced me and immediately I felt better. We continued talking about our dreams and decided to drive home when the sun rose. I decided to give her a kiss on her cheek while saying goodbye…somehow she had the same idea and so a part of our lips touched. We laughed about that and agreed to meet each other this evening again. Jung Ah really drove home to catch at least a few hours of sleep, before she has to work. But I didn’t wanted to see him, so I directly drove to my practice room and slept there on the ground, before the lesson started. I’m teaching a few teenagers, most from the street and for no money. The almost kiss lasted a few hours and my heart was racing very long too.
The day passed quickly and as promised Jung Ah and I met again on the clearing.
“Kahi, I’m getting a new, better paid job in Seoul. Do you wanna come with me?” She asked me while we were both lying in the grass and watched the stars. Her question totally shocked me and I couldn’t answer.
“You can sleep on it, but I’ll go in 4 days” she explained.
“Oh, Thank you for this offer, but I really have to think about it.” Why should I think about it? This woman is like my best friend now and no one ever understood me as good as she does. But I don’t want to leave the kids alone…though my colleague could take care for them too. And not to mention my fear of Myungdae…
Suddenly it started raining and we headed to an empty forester’s house. We were totally soaked. Jung Ah took off her wet shirt and wrung it out. I was watching her and couldn’t stop thinking of how beautiful this woman is. She hung her shirt over a chair.
“You should take your shirt off too, if you don’t want to catch a cold”
I knew she was right and so I took it off and Jung Ah was staring at me now. I blushed and felt a bit embarrassed to get observed by her. We took off our pants as well and were now sitting in our underwear next to each other. She started shaking a bit and I laid my arm around her. I couldn’t resist anymore and kissed her carefully. She agreed and together we spent some wonderful hours in this house.
“Jung Ah, let’s meet again this evening…and then leave this town together!” I said now totally sure. I was still holding her in my arms, still naked. No one ever could give me such satisfaction as she did within the past few hours.
“Are you sure?” she asked excited.
“Yes, I am”
The rain stopped long ago and the sun was rising. We got dressed, both glancing at each other and then, for the first time, we drove together to our still home and working places.
[Dieses Kapitel ist nur Volljährigen zugänglich]
A week as past since we moved to Seoul. Together in a tiny flat, but we didn’t care as we spent our spare time with each other anyway. Jung Ah usually works and I do the cooking. I love how she’s always happy about food. When she is working I’m looking for a job and for the chance to get a deal as professional dancer. In the evening we’re practicing together a lot. She made me fall in love with singing and she said she’s kinda biased with dancing now.
But I have the slight feeling there’s something wrong with me…I hope it’s just a cold. But after another week Jung Ah couldn’t see how bad I was feeling and told me to go to the doctor.
Fortunately she took a day off and accompanied me to the doctor.
-The diagnose-
I immediately had a nervous breakdown. I cried as hard as never before in my life. The doctor left us on our own. Jung Ah embraced me and managed to take me home where we talked.
“How can I… “ I cried almost not understandable.
“Honey, calm down, please!” Jung Ah said in her soft motherly voice.
We were lying on our bed, me lying in her arms and I couldn’t stop crying. After about one hour or so I finally got weak enough to stop crying.
“Why the QUACK QUACK am I pregnant from this disgusting piece of MOO?” I asked with a very weak, hoarse voice.
“It’s ok honey. You left him behind, you started a new life! And don’t forget: I love you and I’ll support your decision to either keep or to abort this child.”
“Why should I keep it?” I sobbed.
“Kahi, this is not just his child. It’s yours too and this fact can’t turn it into something bad”
Daaaaaamn, she’s right.
I didn’t reply. I just embraced her stronger than before and then I fell asleep.
When I woke up I felt like a Zombie and had to ran to the toilet. Yes, the first few months are the worst. Months…OMG just by thinking I’ll feel so bad for at least another 3 months…
Jung Ah didn’t ask for my decision and I was very thankful for that. But what made my final decision was:
9 days after I got the message to be pregnant Jung Ah I accompanied her to vocational training.
She didn’t knew the teacher and was asked to sing something. She sang this one new song that just topped the charts. Suddenly I heard a child singing from outside. The small girl opened the door and ran to Jung Ah.
Jung Ah: “Ah I see, you like the song, don’t you?” she crouched before the girl and smiled at her.
The Teacher:” Sooyoung, didn’t I tell you often enough not to interrupt?”
Sooyoung: “I’m sorry mum”
She looked sad.
Jung Ah: “Oh no, it’s alright. Sooyoung, do you wanna sing the whole song with me once again?”
Now Jung Ah was Sooyoungs heroine and her mother just smiled. But I started crying silently. The tears just toppled off my eyes and I suddenly knew I wanna raise this child together with Jung Ah.
Right after the lesson when we got home I told her my decision and added: “But Jung Ah, please you have to support me. I won’t be able to do this without you.”
“I will, honey” she answered with her wonderful smile and though her incredibly eyesmile I could see her watery eyes. She lost a few tears of joy.
